In the beginning, God said, "Adam, I gave you that really nifty penis to use, not sit and stare at all day. Now, get out there and poke something." Adam replied, "Up yours, dude. These animals get really pissed when I try that shit and I'm not getting my ass clawed all to hell just so you can watch."  God thought for a moment, "How about I create you a bitch." "Cool, said Adam. You make it, I'll poke it."

So, God created Eve and said, "Adam, this is Eve." To which Adam exclaimed, "Wow! Look at those tits." At this, Eve uttered a disgusted "Harrumph," turned on her heals and stomped off to another part of the garden. God, sensing trouble, hurried after her and, catching up, asked, "Jesus, Eve, why are you being such a twit?" Eve replied, "Who's Jesus?" God said, "Never mind, what I'm concerned about is you coping an attitude just because Adam appreciates a nice rack." Eve began to cry. "Christ, Eve," said God, "stop with the waterworks." Eve sobbed, "Who's Christ? "Never mind," yelled God, getting a little flustered. "Look, here's the deal. It's the beginning, right? This is the time I create stuff so I created, well, you know…. all the stuff. When it was all done I decided to put something living in this snazzy garden. So, I created a penis cause I thought it would be fun to watch it poke at things, and I put it here in the garden but it just laid there on the ground doing nothing so I put some legs on it so it could get around but it kept bumping into things so I stuck a brain on top to show it where to go. That worked fine and I named it Adam. Your job is to let it poke at you once in a while. Now, is that asking too much?" Still sobbing, Eve asked, "But why is it such a pig, and how about a little romance?" "Number one," replied God, "it's not a pig, it's a penis. Number two, well, sorry, but I didn't add any romance to it, only that poking instinct. That's really all it is, just a penis with a brain to point it towards something to poke at." Pondering her options, Eve demanded, "Ok. I'll let it poke at me, occasionally, but you have to let me run the world." God said, "Uh, that'll be a little tough since it's bigger than you but, wait, I've got an idea. I'll put a little something on you, say… like between your legs or somewhere, that will pretty much guarantee that things will always go your way. How's that?" Eve, now assured that she would always be in control of the world and anxious to get started, agreed, then walked back to where Adam was waiting and said, "Hi there big boy! Gee, have you been working out?" So, after all was said and done, everything worked out just fine. God's happy, Eve's happy and Adam thinks he's happy.



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