If you spring from the bed at first light, prance merrily into the kitchen skipping along singing "Oh What A Beautiful Morning" - you're a woman.
If you reluctantly open your eyes, mutter a few obscenities and, grudgingly, roll to the side of the bed, pull yourself up and sit there coughing and hacking for 10 minutes till you can drag your body upright and stumble blindly towards the kitchen bouncing off the walls on both sides cursing the idea that you gotta screw around figuring out something to choke down - you're a guy.
If you've ever attended a "brunch" - you're a woman
If lunch is for getting out of work and it's too early for a beer - you're a guy.
If your kitchen is clean, your pots and pans match and you own a whisk - you're a woman.
If you're not sure where the kitchen is - you’re a guy.
First, ya gotta figure out who you are
1/3-1/2 Cup low fatCottage cheese
3 or 4 fruits in small amounts, like 3 strawberries, handful of other berries
1/2 peach,1 apricot
1/2 clementine orange
1/6 mango
1/4-1/5 apple
3-4 cherries
1 small slice of canteloupe
Top with 1/3-1/2 Cup low fat plain yogurt

courtesy of Wendy from

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Cheap, fast and no clean up - You will need:

A mug with a shiny rather than a rough finish inside.
A fork
2 eggs
A microwave oven
A coffee pot
Cream/Coffee Mate/artificial sweetener or whatever you want in your coffee.

Time for breakfast.

Flip on the coffee maker (you set it all up the night before - didn't you?).

Break the 2 eggs and dump em in the mug.

Add salt and pepper or they'll taste like crap.

Add 2 tablespoons of milk and whip it all up good with the fork.

Stick the mug in the microwave for 30 seconds.

Do something for 30 seconds then take the eggs out and stir them. Put em back in for 30 more seconds.

Take em out and stir em again. If they look ok, eat em out of the mug with some coffee. If they don't look ok, put em in again for 10 second and keep doing that till they're done.

When you're finished, put the mug in the sink, put the fork in the mug, run some water in it and leave it there till you feel like washing it.

Go to the beach

You might try some toast (bread with minimal carbs) with butter and some sugarless jelly/jam with that - test afterwards to see if that'll work.

Courtesy of Alan from

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Assuming you're startin with nothin - You want it cheap, fast and no clean up.....You will need:

Toaster oven - 20 bucks
Cheap small outdoor tabletop grill - 10 bucks at Walmart
Bag of charcoal
Charcoal lighter fluid
Potato peeler- about a buck
Cheese slicer - about a buck
Aluminum foil
Paper towels
Paper plates
Bowl type strainer
Cheap zipper type sandwich bags
A cheap little pot
A tiny little bowl
A TV tray


Ok. The toaster oven is a lot easier to keep clean than a stove oven and uses a whole lot less electricity - and works better with what we're gonna do with it.

The small, cheap tabletop outdoor grill is a lot less trouble than a regular grill, it's quick and easy to mess with and will make cheap steaks tender and scrumptious (your broiler or pan-fry will make them tough).

We're gonna use the aluminum foil in the toaster oven (tear off a square piece, fold up the edges to make a drippless thing to cook stuff in).

Paper towels - When you peel/cut something, put the paper towel on the counter, peel or cut stuff on it then wad it up and throw it away. Use a different towel for each item. Keeps from making a mess.

Paper plates - use real ones if you want but these are easier to clean up.

Bowl type strainer - dump vegetables in it and squirt water on em. Always rinse vegetables (
real men don't say "veggies" - over at the construction site say "veggies" and see what happens").

TV tray - Go ahead, mess up the dining room table if you want. I can't see the television from mine.

Potato peeler - to peel cucumbers fast.

Cheese slicer ...duh!

Zipper type sandwich bags - they cost less than freezer bags and work just as well.

A cheap little pot that you can boil eggs in and just rinse out without washing.

Tiny little bowl to put dip in.

Now, go to Walmart and buy one of those great big bags of chicken leg quarters - 5 bucks - there's a whole bunch of em in that bag. Walmart is the only place that I know of that has those big bags.

Go somewhere else and buy some cheap steaks (or good ones, whatever). Walmart doesn't have individually wrapped steaks and you'll wanna try some different kinds to see what works best for you.

Buy some kind of fish - fresh not frozen. Talapia is the cheapest and tastes pretty good. (eat it the same, or next day after you buy it - don't freeze it).

Buy some tomatoes, sweet onions (if they don't have the sweet ones go somewhere else), cucumbers, cheap olives, fresh broccoli, some red grapes and a lemon.

Buy some Lite salt, mild cheddar cheese, cottage cheese, South Beach Ranch salad dressing (1 carb, no sugar per serving) and some Brutoni's Alfredo Sauce - its in the special cheese and dip section up front at Walmart. Oh, and some eggs.

Buy some cheap Crystal Wing Sauce - in the hot sauce section.

Buy some Breyers CarbSmart ice cream, some Comstock No Sugar Added cherry (or apple) pie filling, a package of Jello No Sugar Added Banana Cream Instant Pudding and some No Fat milk.

Now go home.

When you get home, take the chicken leg quarters out of that disgusting bag and put each of them in a sandwich bag and toss em in the freezer. Put everything else away.

Now have a beer (Michelob Ultra Lite - about 3 carb, tastes like diluted cat piss but you'll get used to it) and spend a few relaxing hours checking out porn sites on the computer.

Ok, Dinner Time.

About 30 minuets before dinner, take one of the leg quarters out of the freezer and fill the bag with hot water. Reseal it and toss it in the sink to thaw. Refill it with hot after about 15 minutes. After it thaws, take it out of the bag and wash it off good with hot water then dry it a little with a paper towel

Turn the toaster oven on 400 degrees - or high - or bake - or whatever yours says.

Tear off a square piece of aluminum foil and fold up all 4 sides about an inch to make a little pan kinda thing that won't drip.

Salt the chicken heavily with the Lite salt and put it on the foil (if you have some garlic powder, pour some of that all over it).

Stick the whole thing in the toaster oven and set some kind of timer for 22 minutes.

Go watch TV

When you hear the timer go off:

Turn the chicken over and set the timer for 25 minutes.

Fill your little pot with cold water, put an egg in it and put in on the stove on high till it boils then turn it down and let it boil lightly.

Put a small glob of cottage cheese on a paper plate

Cut 4 lengthwise wedges of half a tomato.

Cut 4 lengthwise wedges of half a cucumber. Cut it in half first and peel it with the potato peeler.

Cut 3 lengthwise wedges of half a sweet onion - cut off the ends and throw away the outer layer.

Throw all that on the paper plate with the cottage cheese, add a handful of olives and red grapes.

Slice off 5 thin slices of cheddar cheese with the cheese slicer and pile it on top of everything else.

Break off some broccoli and pile it on.

Take the egg out of the pot, run some cold water in the pot then and peel it. Toss it on the plate.

Put the plate in the fridge

Go watch TV

When you hear the timer go off;:

Put the TV tray in front of your chair.

Go get the ranch dressing, the Alfredo sauce, the hot sauce, the tiny little bowl and the paper towels and put them within reach of the TV tray and your chair.

Go get the vegetable plate and a fork and put them on the TV tray.

Go take the chicken out of the toaster oven and put it on a paper plate.

Take it to the TV tray and sit down

Pour some of the ranch dressing in the little bowl and some of the hot sauce on the chicken.

Dip all the vegetables (each bite), except the broccoli, in the ranch and just eat the chicken with your fingers. Dip the broccoli in the Alfredo sauce.

When you finish, throw everything in the trash except the ranch, hot sauce, Alfredo sauce, little bowl and the fork. No mess, no clean up. It's the "guy" way.

Now, go get the CarbSmart ice cream. Scoop out a nice size glob onto a paper plate and spoon some of the cherry (or apple) pie filling on top. Eat it and throw away the plate.

You can replace the chicken with steak (from the grill) or fish done the same way as the chicken in the toaster oven (add salt, lemon and butter - turn the toaster oven to broil and cook 3 minutes each side. When its done, squirt some more lemon on it and salt it again - use tarter sauce if you want.... those few carbs won't hurt you).

When you get time, make the Jello No Sugar Added Instant Pudding. Put it in the fridge and eat a few spoonfulls between meals when you get the urge.

PS - You can have a beer or two with dinner but make it the low-carb, cat piss Michelob Ultra Lite. And remember, if the guys are over watching wrestling, be really careful not to say "veggies."

....Oh, if you'd like to print this page, reload it and when the printer box appears just click "

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This one is easy:

Make a big fat cheeseburger - pile on all the good stuff you like - when you're ready to eat it.... throw away the bun.

Simple - its the guy way

inspired by W. Baker from

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Take a low carb tortilla or a light Flatout brand flatbread and sprinkle a little grated cheese - maybe some hot sauce and put that in your toaster oven to melt the cheese

Toast the "bread" a little. 

Add scrambled eggs

Roll it up for a sizeable breakfast with very few carbs. 

Sometimes I add asparagus & mushrooms.... Yum!

courtesy of Barbara H from

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1  Egplant
1  Medium jar of spaghetti sauce
1  bag  Shredded mozarella cheese
1  bag  Shredded Italian mix cheese
2  lbs  Lean hamburger meat
    Garlic Salt

Brown the hamburger meat and a dash or two of garlic salt.

Preheat oven to 350.

Mix hamburger meat with spaghetti sauce and put thin layer on bottom of 9x13 baking dish.

Add layer of sliced eggplant.

Add layer of spaghetti sauce mixture, mozarella, Italian mix, then eggplant.

Repeat until dish is full. Ending with a thin layer of cheese.

Bake for about 45 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool for 10 minutes before cutting.

inspired by Wendy from

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create a nice meal
create a nice meal
create a nice meal
throw something together
throw something together
throw something together